hHappy New Year! Back in Texas, back from the Cotton Bowl in Dallas and a party so fun it lasted 2 years! The Ags lost, but holy shite what a time!
What is the biggest thing I learned in Dallas?
All I can say is, I'll never be able to look at bottle of Corona with a straight face again!
Anyway, I lifted this from somewhere, not original at all but enjoy: THE RETROSEXUAL CODE
A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DAMN DATE.
A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.
A Retrosexual DEALS with sh$t. Be it a flat tire, break into your home, or a natural disaster, F#$%KING DEAL WITH IT.
A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.
A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.
A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)
A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.
A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "dealing with sh$t" portion of The Code.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors muck up rooms in his house on national TV.
A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for poontang. Some is inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH SH$T. When you mucked up, he DEALT with you. Buck up wussy.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a freaking windsor knot when wearing a tie.
A Retrosexual does not strip naked, get into a sweat lodge, and bang on drums to bond with other guys. That is gay. However dressing in kilts, banging on drums around a campfire, and drinking heavily is just fine.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a damn nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.
A Retrosexual will buy feminine hygiene products if he has to, but only under protest. This falls under unpleasant things you have to freaking DEAL with. Get some Haagen-Dazs while you're at it.
A Retrosexual gives a lady his seat on the bus/subway/etc.
A Retrosexual does not order an apple martini at the bar. A Martini has freaking gin and vermouth in it dammit. And maybe an olive. In fact, why not just get a beer and a shot of scotch??